Minute-by-Minute with Tarantino’s Latest

Good afternoon Loyal Mockers and welcome to the Mocker Minute-by-Minute review of Quentin Tarantino’s eighth movie, ‘The Hateful Eight’. I’ve had this Netflix blu-ray sitting around my house for probably two months so it’s high time I got to watching this. I’ll be checking it out on my 38” HD television, which is exactly what Tarantino shot it for…

00:00…Trying to think of the other seven Tarantino movies…Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill 1, Kill Bill 2, Inglorious Bastards, Slave Movie with Jamie Foxx…yes, got them all!!

00:01…Walton Goggins? From ‘Vice-Principals’? I need to re-visit that show

00:03…Solid credits sequence that consisted of one long zoom out shot of a desolate, wintry climate—very Hoth-like…

00:07…Samuel L. Jackson vs. Kurt Russell!! Movie already having you question Samuel L’s intentions, very nice…

00:10…Ten minutes in and we already have three ‘nig*ers’ spoken by Russell and his captive Daisy Damadook…

00:14…Holy shit, Russell is kicking the shit out of Daisy Damadook and Tarantino lingers on her bloody face with some Jack White playing in the background…

00:17…Kurt Russell’s character is called ‘The Hangman’ because he never kills his bounties (like Jackson Major Beard Stubble always does-including three corpses comically riding on top of the stage coach)…

00:22…The Hangman really enjoys looking at Major Beard Stubble’s ‘Lincoln Letter’ and Daisy Damadoo uses the distraction in a foolhardy escape attempt…which leads to the introduction of another character, the new sheriff of Red Rock!! Seemed like this scene could have been sliced a bit…

00:32…Nice scene detailing Major Beard Stubble’s destruction of a Civil War POW camp…Vice Principal Goggins squaring off with Samuel L in this one…

00:39…Minnie’s Haberdashery has been reached and three new characters are introduced…Old Guy, Quiet Guy, and Prissy British Guy (Oswaldo)..

00:43…Oswaldo has business cards for being the local hangman, that’s pretty funny…

00:46…Movie has turned into a YouTube video on how to make sure you can still make it to the shitter during a Wyoming blizzard in the late1800’s.

00:50…Michael Madson channeling Jack Palance’s Curly from ‘City Slickers’…Joe Gage just wants to spend Christmas with his mother…

00:52…Tarantino draining all possible humor he can from the broken door/big winter storm bit…

00:59…Did the Hispanic Bob do something with Minnie from Minnie’s Haberdashery? Another layer of complexity is added??

1:02…Southern General Sanford Smithers fought against Major Beard Stubble in the infamous Battle of Baton Rouge…lotsa nig*ers being thrown out by Sanford…

1:09…The Red Rocks Hangman wants to divide Minnie’s into a Northern and Southern side to help dissuade the boiling tension…Russell’s Hangman is getting paranoid that someone is in cahoots with Daisy Domergue and is about to take Joe Gage’s gun…

BREAK ONE…Need to change the laundry and take a short break since this movie is close to three hours long…we’ve had some really cool dialogue and character building but this seems a more stately and deliberate Tarantino than in the past as nothing has really happened yet…seems like should have been a play

1:17…Stew time!! Looks a lot like Robin Mocker’s beef stew that she would often cook on football Sundays…

1:23…Major Beard Stubble’s Lincoln Letter is revealed to be a fake and Kurt Russell is heartbroken…

1:27…Bob the Hispanic trying to play ‘Silent Night’ on the haberdashery piano while Major Beard Stubble and General Sanford hash out the fact that Major Beard Stubble killed his kid…

1:30…Penis shot as Major Beard Stubble made the General’s kid walk through the snow naked (or did he? This could all be bullshit?!) Now he had the kid sucking his black pecker? Holy shit, this is just outrageous and the scene ends with the old general goaded into firing at Samuel L who easily wins that gun fight…solid dramatic scene but don’t really understand why it needed to happen…

1:35…A narrator now enters the movie, oh what a card that Tarantino is!

1:38…Somebody poisoned the coffee during the Major Beard Stubble/Ole General standoff and only Demergue saw who did it!!

1:44…Poison coffee makes everybody puke up blood, gross…Kurt Russell and plucky stagecoach driver OB effected…

1:45…Oh so fucking gross as Kurt Russell barfs blood all over Demergue’s face…oh shit, Kurt Russell shot!! Finally, some action and a vintage Tarantino main character burn…

1:57…Damn, Senor Bob’s head gets blown off by Samuel L!!

1:59…Damn, Samuel L gets shot in the balls from a stranger down below which leads to mass carnage as the Red Rocks Hangman and Goggins also take some lead…

2:05…Flashback where we see Joe Gage, Red Rocks Hangman and Bob the Hispanic shoot up the haberdashery in preparation for Demergue’s arrival (I guess)…whiz bang dramatic action!

2:13…Lotta graphic violence in this one…a little more visceral than the standard cartoony Tarantino violence…this movie has been divided up into chapters and chapter four is my favorite…

2:23…Oh man, brains everywhere!!

2:35…Solid work by Goggins as he takes the side of Samuel L and turns down Demergue’s offer…this could be a Lethal Weapon movie as we now have Goggins reading the Lincoln Letter while they are nearing death…the southern racist and the black union soldier, coming together in the end, is this a Tarantino allegory?

2:43…I guess they probably die from blood loss..

FINAL VERDICT: Two and a half brain splatters out of four…some crackling scenes don’t make up for the extended run time and excessive, unnecessary violence…

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