Lovely Night With Lita

Good evening Loyal Mockers and welcome to my first ever Chorus Game Blog for the Mockers website. I feel like I have come home as I can think of no better place for my inconsequential musings about music, sports, beagles and society in general.

Speaking of inconsequential musings, my good friend Eric and I have recently started the Mockers Podcast. You can link to it from this very website so please give it a listen, subscribe and even give it a review if you have a hankerin’ at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mockers-podcast/id1116951995?mt=2.  A weekly segment will be The Mockumendations, in which we bestow nuggets of pop culture to each other. Nuggets that we have yet to consume, but need to familiarize ourselves with before the next podcast. Eric has always been a bigger glam metal fan than me, so it’s no surprise my assignment turns out to be Lita Ford’s 1988 album ‘Lita’.

LITA FORD KNOWLEDGE: Limited at best. Friends with Ozzy Osbourne.

WHAT WIKIPEDIA LEARNED ME: She was briefly engaged to Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi and also married WASP guitarist Chris Holmes…I guess you know how to get to Lita’s heart…

CHORUS GAME RULES: Drink a sip of beer every time the name of the song is sung. I gave this record a few pre-listens today at work and I am prepared to be drunk in short order. Let’s get rockin’!

1) Back to the Cave…Wow, she must be so proud looking back at the album cover for this record (which should have been called ‘Heaving Cleavage’)…swanky, bluesy guitar kicks off the proceedings…really hard to tell that it’s a chick singing and my pretty lady just guessed that it was a dude…I think Ben Affleck is using this song in his next ‘Batman’ movie…around 10 sips of PBR (metal heads favorite beer!) and a solid album starter…

2) Can’t Catch Me…A tad bit more aggressive musically and screeching vocally…whoa, drinks coming fast and furious on this one and my Pretty Lady asks me how old I am as I quickly polish off my first beverage…

3) Blueberry…Predicting the future of early smart phone devices with this song (she just had the wrong color)…don’t even have time to type with the amount of times she says blueberry in this song…

4) Kiss Me Deadly…Solid, catchy opening verse on this one (expertly sung by Eric on this week’s podcast…which you are going to listen to as soon as you finish reading!) https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mockers-podcast/id1116951995?mt=2…great fucking song…

5) Falling In and Out of Love…Pure Nikki Sixx on this track as he gets co-writing credit (so I guess 50% Pure Nikki Sixx)…second beer is done and dusted halfway thru this song and Chorus Game Rules say I can take a break until song six begins…

6) Fatal Passion…Lifetime movie title alert!! Nice grounded use of keyboards on this record and I believe I hear some cowbell on this number…that was good although it might be my sudden buzz talking…

7) Under the Gun…Lita takes it down a notch to start this one and it leads to a solid slow burner…this is where the album started to fatigue during the work listens, let’s see if it holds up better under the cover of darkness…

8) Broken Dreams…Lifetime movie title alert!! Turns out it is a whole boulevard of broken dreams that Lita is dealing with…I would enjoy seeing Lita Ford play this record in its entirety at The Chance Theater in Poughkeepsie, NY…

9) Close My Eyes Forever…I love my Pretty Lady very much but sometimes her lack of knowledge is startling, so I wonder if she will know who Ozzy Osbourne is? Yes, she does!!! She informs me that he is getting a divorce, which I believe is accurate due to some recent infidelity. She also used to watch the seminal reality show as she was able to correctly name all four cast/family members. Wow, she is even trying to figure out what band he was in!! She correctly states he was not in Metallica or KISS!! No way was she getting Black Sabbath so I took pity on her.

FINAL VERDICT: Solid dose of meat and potatoes rock’n’roll and a fine initial mockumendation…oh geez, the Pretty Lady just called Ozzy’s band Blue Sabbath…I’m outta here, thanks for reading and keep on mockin’!

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