Lady Gaga vs. The Motley Crue

EDITOR’S NOTE: This post was originally written on Saturday, October 29th…it’s only due to sheer laziness that you are only reading it now…as always, thanks for reading and please check out our latest podcast, where Eric and I talk about each of these albums in our weekly Mockumendation segment!

Good evening, Loyal Mockers and welcome to a Music Mockumendation Battle Royale! Two albums enter but only one can leave with the Mocker Music Belt!

MATCH-UP: Lady Gaga’s latest record ‘Joanne’ vs. Mötley Crüe’s breakout ‘Shout At The Devil’ (you just never know what you are going to get in the mockumendations, which is why you should listen to The Mockers Podcast every week!!

1) Lady Gaga (Sinner’s Prayer)…Gaga is my Pretty Lady’s favorite musician so I have been exposed to her last few albums and haven’t minded their mainstream pop trappings despite that not being my musical comfort zone…this album has definitely dialed down that sound on at least half the album’s tunes and this rollicking acoustic head bobber was co-written by indie favorite Father John Misty…strong statement by Gaga to start the evening…

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2) Mötley Crüe (Danger)…This album was released just over 33 years ago (not that you can tell by the amazing cover art) and it’s still a lean, mean, sleaze rock machine…

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3) Mötley Crüe (Red Hot)…I didn’t really know this one before this week but it’s quite good, it reminds me of Ramones-style punk…

4) Mötley Crüe (Bastard)…Jon Snow’s theme song! This album only debuted at 17 on the Billboard chart, which surprises me but I guess this album was a precursor to more mainstream success down the line…

5) Mötley Crüe (Ten Seconds To Love)…Crüe Classic Alert!! Not much musical variance on these tracks but the formula works so why bother?

6) Mötley Crüe (In The Beginning)…Opening track intro and slight throwaway…I read on Wikipedia that people were actually worried that this album was asking people to worship Satan? I know there was a pentagram on the original album cover but c’mon…

7) Lady Gaga (Joanne)…Another acoustic gem that was written about her brother’s sister who died of lupus at 19…I would hate to get lupus, just the sound of it is terrifying (not that I know any symptoms or how you can contract it)…

8) Mötley Crüe (Knock ‘Em Dead, Kid)…I am assuming that the ‘kid’ in this title must be Satan…

9) Lady Gaga (Angel Down)…”I confessed I am lost in this age of social”…definitely some clunky lyrics on this record but overall this is another solid low-key offering that represents Gaga’s thoughts on the crazy times we reside in…

10) Mötley Crüe (Shout At The Devil)…Well, ok, I guess I can understand how conservative pussyfarts can just look at this song title and think that the Crüe are a bunch of satan loving pagans but still, just c’mon…

11) Lady Gaga (A-YO)…Our first Gaga club-banger and it’s by far my least favorite song we have heard so far…although the ‘mirror on the ceiling’ line in the chorus is quite catchy…

12) Lady Gaga (Dancin’ In Circles)…Was very surprised to find out that this ode to masturbation was co-written by Beck!! Full “Midnite Vultures” mode Beck as this song is quite randy—I can only imagine what Gaga’s tweener fans think this song is about (maybe she doesn’t have any tweener fans)…

13) Lady Gaga (Just Another Day)…Bonus song only available on the deluxe edition and it’s another catchy track with a twitchy guitar lick leading the way with horn-age lingering in the background…

14) Mötley Crüe (Looks That Kill)…Stone Cold Classic!! Patented One Finger Pioch Salute commencing…

15) Lady Gaga (Perfect Illusion)…Gaga broke off an engagement a while back and I am assuming that this song is tackling that topic…the guy from Tame Impala co-wrote this one as Gaga continues to mine the indie rock community…didn’t really like this one at first but it’s a rare pop song slow grower…

16) Mötley Crüe (Helter Skelter)…Ok, I guess I can see how conservative butt-tards can look at the Crüe covering a song that was written about famous devil worshiper Charlie Manson and think that they are a bunch of Satan loving pagans, but still, c’mon…

17) Lady Gaga (Grigio Girls)…I really don’t want to be singing along to this cheesy tune yet hear I am (hey, like Layne Staley said, “It’s like peanut butter on the brain”)

18) Mötley Crüe (Too Young To Fall In Love)…”You’re killing me, your loves a guillotine”…that’s fucking great…

19) Lady Gaga (Hey Girl)…I really like this jazzy duet with Florence from Florence + The Machine and I agree with my co-host that Florence’s high pitch vocals outshine Gaga’s…let the record show that this is the Pretty Lady’s least favorite song on the record…

20) Lady Gaga (Come To Mama)…Gospel-tinged sing-a-long replete with horn-age…

21) Lady Gaga (Diamond Heart)…Would you think I was full of shit if I told you that Josh Homme is playing guitar on this song? I am not but it’s hard to tell as the guitar is not that high in the mix…

22) Lady Gaga (Million Reasons)…Torch ballad time, pretty cheesy but I can’t help but sing along considering the amount of grigio (or PBR) I have drank tonight…

23) Mötley Crüe (God Bless The Children of the Beast)…Pretty damn cool short instrumental throwaway…I guess I can understand how conservative tightdicks can look at this song title and think that the Crüe are Satan loving pagans, but still, c’mon…

24) Lady Gaga (Angel Down (Work Tape)…See notation nine…

25) Lady Gaga (John Wayne)…Another tune that Josh Homme co-wrote (special thanks to Wikipedia for providing me this information)…even with this knowledge, I think this is one of the worst songs I have heard tonight…

FINAL VERDICT: An impressive effort from Lady Gaga but the Mötley Crüe has absolutely no fat so I have to give the edge to the Satan loving pagans…

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