Andy Got the “Nerve” to Watch a Bad Emma Roberts Movie

Good evening Loyal Mockers and welcome to the Saturday Night Movie Blog!

FILM: Nerve…quickly forgotten 2016 summer release that somehow made it to the top of my Netflix DVD queue.

NETFLIX DESCRIPTION: After becoming involved in an online version of ‘Truth or Dare,’ young Vee soon realizes that the game is anything but an innocent lark as her audience of anonymous ‘watchers’ begins to manipulate her life in dangerous ways…Oh man, this sounds really stupid…

NOTABLE PARTICIPANTS & PERTINENT STATS: Emma Roberts and Juliette Lewis!! Movie made about 35 million domestically and is 64% fresh…let’s hope Shea the Beagle settles down so I can watch this morsel of delight…

00:00…Not even a minute in and Google gets a plug…

00:03…We have multiple screens like we are looking at a computer screen with multiple programs running…fuck that shit, I’m not at work!

00:04…Whoa, Juliette Lewis is rail thin! How old is Emma Roberts? I guess her character is supposed to be in high school because she has a massive crush on footballer JP Guerrero…

00:09…Nerve is an app that is sweeping the nation and it’s making people do crazy things like mooning a football crowd and eating dogfood

00:11…Sidney, Friend of Emma Roberts and top ten Nerve player, blows up her spot with JP and a pissed Emma chooses to become a Nerve player! I betcha she will regret that in the long run…

00:15…First dare is to kiss a complete stranger for five seconds and it’s completed easily as she finds a Hot Young Dude (who is played by James Franco’s younger and slightly less baked brother, Dave)…and in a twist that can only happen in Nerve, the dude she kisses also plays the game!! dave_franco

00:20…The ‘watchers’ really like this Emma and Hot Young Dude match-up and they are dictating they continue their night with a motorcycle ride into New York City…Sidney is instantly jealous of Vee’s instant Nerve celebrity!

00:24…Oh geez, Nerve instantly deposits large sums of cash when a player completes a dare and, unfortunately for Emma, the money she has won is going in a joint bank account she has with mom Juliette…

00:30…Emma tries on a fancy dress and while cavorting with Hot Young Dude her stuff is stolen…and so are his!! Are the watchers manipulating events?? Oh geez, a half-nude romp thru a department store is pure ridiculousness…

00:36…Tattoo time!! Nerve dare and Emma is ready to get some ink! This movie has taken a stock drop in the last ten minutes…

00:37…Emma’ brother died as we get an attempt at character building during the quite speedy tattoo session (I guess I missed what it was that Hot Young Dude picked out for her)..

00:42…Oh no!! Hot Young Dude turns out to be a professional Nerve player and might have gotten someone killed back in Seattle…and now they have accepted a dare where he needs to ride his motorcycle blindfolded but still get it up to 60 mph…on a city street…while she tries to navigate…check please…nerve_motorcycle

00:45…A completely unbelievable scene is made even more unbelievable with the amount of green lights they get to drive thru in downtown Manhattan…

00:51…Too bad they didn’t film this carousel scene in Binghamton (which is, of course, the Carousel Capital of the World)…major cat fight brewing between Emma and Sidney…movie continues to stagnant

00:54…Sidney, wasted and stoned, is trying a MTV Challenge mission by crossing a ladder over a high rise…I smell death! Well, just as bad as her phone tumbles to the street below…

00:58…Emma and Hot Young Dude arrive at her friend’s big party and they are Nerve Royalty!!

1:02:00…Holy shit, this is getting really dumb as the big Emma/Sidney fight is followed by Emma completing the ladder match challenge and climbing to first place in the Nerve standings!

1:06:00…Emma finally comes to her senses and tries to involve the police but that doesn’t go well…then she is knocked out by Mad Max, a highly competitive Nerve player…then she is, I don’t have a fucking clue, sheer folly…

1:10:00…Hot Young Dude and Emma are now prisoners of Nerve and are forced to do crazy shit forever…I guess…this movie is close to getting turned off…

1:15:00…Unintelligible plan is developed…

1:18:00…Emma’s nerdy friend is trying to shut the Nerve app down with the help of one of the inmates from ‘Orange is the New Black’…

1:20:00…Oh man, everyone is watching the Nerve finals!! I understand what this movie is trying to say about our society but this is pure bollocks…

1:25:00…The crowd wants Hot Young Dude to shoot Emma? And now Mad Max makes an appearance and appears to shoot Emma in the back…but…it was a ploy and the gun didn’t have real bullets…and the nerdy friend also shuts the game down at this exact same time…and this is hogwash!!

1:30:00…Movie ends with a kiss between Emma and Hot Young Dude that is documented by a Random ‘watcher’ which might set up a sequel….NOOOO!

FINAL VERDICT:  If this movie was an actual app on my phone it would be nestled next to the Crossword and Mahjong games I never play…one and a half stars…would have been more fun to watch with my podcast partner Eric so we could have taken the piss out of it together!

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